About Me - Martine Rose

I call myself a trans-woman; that is, I have transitioned from male to female by means of surgery and hormones. However, it wasn't until quite late in life at the age of 76 that I underwent the final surgery to complete the change. For most of my life before then I considered myself to be a transvestite (some prefer the term "Cross-dresser"), that is I lived my life as male but liked to cross-dress and wear female clothes whenever I had the urge and opportunity. For more about that side of my life, please see 'Being Trans' here. 

I have always been shy, especially when I was very young. At aged 11, when I attended the first day at secondary school feeling very alone, not knowing any of the other boys, a particular incident caused me not to speak at all to any of the other boys throughout my days at that school. This set my shyness, but ever since then I have always tried hard to gradually overcome the condition. I found that I could often make progress when I would be in situations with people who did not know me before and thus were not expecting me to be shy.

In my late 20s/early 30s, I had a travel business that provided me with those situations. It was the days when overland minibus ‘trekking’ type holidays for young people were popular. I tried one and decided to set up my own business, as they would give me the ideal opportunities of continually putting myself into new leadership situations with groups of people who did not know me. It certainly did help me to overcome my shyness to a degree and as the majority of the passenger tended to be female, there was also the possibility of finding a girlfriend. This is something I have longed for all my adult life, but unfortunately, the nature of the travel business meant that any relationship was usually short term, as I’d rarely had time to follow them through after the trips. More about my travel days here.

I finished with the travel business at the end of 1975 after spending 14 months travelling around North America, partly because of ill health, but also because there was so little financial reward for such demanding work (yes, it was work!).

My desire to cross-dress had always been in the background throughout all those early years but became much more to the fore after my travel days. It came to dominate my life from 1979 onwards with Rose’s House and Repartee but it wasn’t until 2016 that I finally had gender re-assignment to become a trans-woman.

I want a relationship with a woman - not a man!

Though I have changed my body to become as near female as is possible, it did nothing to change my brain! I still retain my male heterosexual attraction towards women. Many people just assume that because I want to be like a woman, I am attracted towards men. On Facebook, I keep getting inundated with messages and friend's requests from men seeking a relationship, occasionally sexually suggestive, but I am not at all interested.

Unfortunately, my transition has made it even more difficult for me to develop a relationship with a woman. Obviously, most heterosexual women want a man and even bi or gay women want a ‘real’ woman. Some women will accept a transgender male to female, but rarely if they have had the full removal of the male genitalia. I sometime regret having gone that far!

Actually, I am not really seeking a full-on sexual relationship with a woman or even a full-time living-together relationship (though I would never rule anything out!). What I am more interested in is hugs and cuddles with a female lover with whom we can get together from time to time, be travel companions, or just have quiet weekends together at home.

Why I am largely silent in a group situation

In a social situation, I may appear to be very unsocial. Yes, I am shy, but there is much more to it than that. I am on the autistic spectrum and one of the traits is poor social skills. Much as I might try, it is something I find difficult to overcome. I am just born this way. Something many people find difficult to comprehend.

Also, I have difficulty hearing in a noisy situation (most social occasions). Actually, in tests my hearing is perfect, but I have a condition known as 'auditory processing disorder' (APD), which is when the brain cannot focus on particular sounds above the general background noise. There is no cure. I struggle to follow a conversation across a table, and can only comfortably converse with persons sitting next to me if they speak directly to me.

Another factor is that I have a quiet voice, so even if I am following the general conversation, my voice tends to get lost below other voices that always seem to get in quicker and louder than mine. I have sometimes tried, but the others present have tended to not even been aware I have spoken. So I generally give up and remain silent. But this just perpetuates the belief that I'm a bit antisocial, and thus I tend to be ignored.

I am much more comfortable in a one to one situation, though I do often find it difficult to initiate a conversation. So if you are near me, do please talk to me. If I am quiet, it won't necessarily mean I have no interest in you!

Martine Rose